New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
