i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
