Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
