She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's official drugs can't kill me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
