you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
