dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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