the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
