You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize