Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
