Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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