he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
