This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I want a musical about memes.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
