respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were destined to go to rehab together
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
