If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
