Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
