Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
