If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
