I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i dont even know how to be here
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
