he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
