I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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