I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
