I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
