does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I could fuck to npr.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
