your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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