Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
