made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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