Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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