so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
