so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
