Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
