when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
