Define "chronic" masturbator.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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