He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
