Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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