Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
