Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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