Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
