I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
