Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
