tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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