i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
