the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
did you just send me my own nude
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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