Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dick very happy bro
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
