She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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