so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
