I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
