just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
