Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think I sprained my soul last night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
