4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
