yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
