I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
