His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize