it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
only you would photoshop your dick
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
