I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize