Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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