if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
