oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
