I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
