call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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