Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
