I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
