You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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