Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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