i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
