u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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