I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
