Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
