please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
