I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize