I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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