My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
