Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
PS: I just woke up from my shower
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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