You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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